Tonight We Are Youn
As I am looking around the room, I am transported to those crazy nights. You know the ones I am talking about, the ones when the only thing on your mind was looking Fly and getting LIT. The nights when you danced the night away with your and your girlfriend and giggled in corners talking about boys. The nights that turn into early morning breakfast meetings at IHOP over pancakes and laughter.
Those nights are long past me and sometimes when I am here in the middle of the new generation that is chasing those same goals. I think ” Did I look and Sound that ridiculous?” The truth is that I most likely did, but I tell myself, and my best friend reassures me that, No we were not that ridiculous
Now in my 30ish going out looks much, much different, but there in the middle of a crowded bar I can’t help but be transported back. Before you know it I found my self right back to my twenties, reliving all the good, the bad, and well that right down embarrassing!
It’s a Blur
I say its a blur for a couple of reasons;
- I am older and so is my memory, or what’s left of it;
- I was mostly Drunk!
I mean I was not an alcoholic, but what I recall is working and parting, in what seems to be a long day that lasted a few years.
Have you seen Sex and the City, The Movie, of course, you have, do you recall when Carrie has her outfit montage in her closet with Charlott. What I did every day is the closet, and Carrie changing outfits was the passing of the days. One after another, not evolving, not growing, just in the same place with different outfits, personalities, and faces. But stuck in the same closet, year, after year, mostly drunk or high, but still in the same place!
My 20s consisted of the same pattern. Wake up at 2:00 pm, get high, go out to eat lunch, come home, get high, get ready for work, go to work, get off of work, go to the bar, drink all night, and go home to drink some more, go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow. Somewhere in there, I did a lot of dancing, fighting, and laughing, but never anything life-changing.
Time was just a long stretch of wasted life that never evolved. It was not productive in any way and it really was just about seeking the next night out with my friends. There was no goals, no ambition, and definitely no self-respect.
He’s Just Not That Into You
On those nights of bar and club hopping beside getting drunk, our second mission was to find a lifelong soul mate. If we were not dancing we were talking about the guys we dated or hung out with on a daily basis. Pouring our self over every detail trying to decipher if they really did like us.
Thinking about it now is just so cringe-worthy I was the staple girl for bad dating. I acted confident but was always insecure, and those insecurities led me to attach myself to the first guy to show me any attention. Then I was also the compulsive, called to many time, let’s be together forever girl! God can I just go back and slap myself.
Now as I go out to these places that I once hung out at, I see myself in those young ladies. They sit and talk about boys and act like fools to get the attention of those boys. I think of my soon to be 18-year-old niece and I desperately hope she does not turn into me. I was that girl that had no identity and sought to find value in a man. I think to myself as I watch, if I could just give you my knowledge you would be unstoppable.
My life was no Sex & The City, it was more like The Drunk & The Desperate!
The Rearview Mirror
Yes, I was that ridiculous and desperate. But I am thankful for those days. I am thankful for all those silly, desperate girl mistakes. They have made me into the woman, mother, and wife I am today.
Tonight I may be feeling nostalgic, and young, but I definitely don’t feel any longing for those nights. I keep watching the younger generation as they giggle and talk, knowing that one day they will be here too. Deep down I so desperately want to tell them to just stop and find what they are really meant to accomplish in life, but I know that life is meant to be a collection of lessons learned. It is not my place to take those lessons away.
I don’t think that it was all bad, I still have great memories of going out to the beach with my girlfriends. Spending the day in the sun while listening to music and trying to get tanned. I can recall great birthday celebrations that made me feel special and loved. There was also a lot of love from my friends, and though they are not in my life right now, they made an impact on me that will last longer than just a night.
I am no longer living for the nights, drinks, or boys. I now live for the life that I have been blessed with, I live for my husband, my kids, and my dreams. On nights like tonight, I get to just really enjoy the music and dance till my feet hurt, I get to really be young and carefree!
“We are young; So let’s set the world on fire, We can burn brighter, Than the sun!” (Fueled By Ramen)
If Only for a Minute!
How About You:
- What do you recall from your 20s?
- Have you ever regretted anything from that time in your life?