Welcome to My World!
My name is Wilmari Eckerson; I am a Jesus Follower, Neurodivergent Wife, Mother, PMDD Suffer, that loves all things pink, and a Reality T.V Junkie, that moonlights as a Twitter shit talker at night!
In a former life, I was an experienced Paralegal. But I was also bitter, hateful, and angry all the time. I knew I did not want to live my life that way anymore, and I also didn’t want to be known as an angry person.
God must have known it was my time to start changing my life because he blessed me with my third baby boy around the same time I was feeling this way. Thankfully God blessed my husband with a job that could support our family. That is when I decided to become a stay-at-home-mom.
Almost immediately, I knew that if I was staying home, I was going to go back to school, get my degree, and follow God purpose for my life. A mission I believe it involves advocating for Women’s Health, especially mental health.
I knew in my heart that God had created me, kept me, and guided me in life to reach out to women that are lost, hurt, or feel unloved. Everyday till this day equipped me for what God wants me to do for women.
Soon after my baby was born, I developed severe PMDD,(Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder), resulting in many episodes of severe depression, anxiety, irritability, and many other symptoms that impacted both my life and marriage. For many months I would be stuck in this cycle of three weeks of sanity and one week of feeling completely insane.
Try explaining that to another person, they look at you like you are crazy (something I was already feeling.) Something that I was very familiar with and experienced almost all my life. I was always the odd Woman out.
The Little Blog That Could, Maybe
I originally started my blog A Committed Heart July of 2017. The initial vision was for it to be a blog for women that struggled with mental illness. As I started working on my blog, I found that my love for women with similar afflictions as my own had become my primary focus. I started writing more about PMDD and advocating for myself and all the beautiful women that suffer from PMDD.
About six months after launching, I had started doing pretty decent in my blog. It all started to come together after I wrote the post entitled “Dear The Doctors: “Period Rage” Has A Name & A Face.” I was starting to be recognized in the PMDD community, and I was asked to write a post for Vicious Cycle and to volunteer for a Peer Support Group at IAPMD.
Yet, I also wanted to make money, after working since the age of 15, not having your own money can be hard on you. I also felt I was starting to lose a little of my self in just doing the blog on PMDD, being a mom, and a wife. Not that there is anything wrong with that if that is what you chose for your own life.
But it was never my dream, I always dreamed of creating a Women’s Center. It was December 2017, 6 months after I launched my blog, I decided to join a Direct Sales company, in the hopes that I would make the income to fund my dream.
Here iI decided to change the course of my blog to try and make ‘THE MONEY’ they claimed I could make by joining Direct Sales.
The Typical Journey
I was excited about my blog, my business, and my life. I was ready to see growth in all areas of my life, and I knew I was on the right path.
Oh how wrong I was, you see I had just landed myself in the middle of my biggest fears. The fear of Rejection… (or what I thought was a fear, keep reading)
Yup, I was sitting in the one career path where rejection happens daily. Literally, I heard the word no more than I heard mommy, (ok maybe not). It was right in my face every day. This girl had never learned to navigate rejection, she had just learned to avoid it!
I crumbled, ran, and hide! I stopped doing everything that was working and just QUIT! By July of 2018, I had finished publishing post, working my business, and gave up on my dreams. I was devastated!
But the dream stayed in me and nagged me every day, it would not quit, I kept seeing it! After a few months of self-loathing, I decided it was time to make a change, I refused to believe that this is what God wanted for my life. I refused to believe that I was the only person on this earth that could not have the same success I saw in others.
I pulled myself up by my PJ pants straps and did what the world tells us not to do I got professional help. I went to counseling, more specific Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I was determined to change my thinking and the way I behaved. I decided to attack my inner demons, the ones that made me;
- A wannabe, molding my self to those around me,
- Fear rejection to the point of avoidance,
- Extremely Self Critical (still a work in progress,)
- A Quitter,
- A Fraud!
I faced the buried hurt, failures, lies, and darkens deep down inside of me of the past 36 years. It was painful, I mean so painful, but I was not going back to living my life feeling like a failure. I was not going to reach my Dreams. So I took inventory of my life, thought about what I really wanted and worked really, really Hard on myself.
The Divergent Reality
I still feel very strongly about my journey, but that journey is actually not what it seemed, even to me. Let me explain…
You see since the end of January 2019, my PMDD symptoms seemed to be increasing in intensity and length. I attribute it to additional unexpected stressors in my life, but deep down inside of me, I felt it was something more.
In my blog post A Sleepless Nightmare I give you a peek into the story that is my life as female suffering from PMDD. I like to think of this post as a more updated version of my PMDD.
Since my initial diagnoses of PMDD, I have done ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to treat my PMDD symptoms. I mean if you would have told me that to help with PMDD you had to stand on a ball with one leg while juggling pineapples, I would have done it. So when I say I tried EVERYTHING, it was everything.
As I mentioned earlier, one of the things I implemented after a failed “Homeopathic” approach was CBT counseling. Along with returning to the Medical World, with a new psychiatrist that actually listened and took me seriously.
After a year of CBT, proper supervised medical intervention with medication, and learning all I could about the female body, I started to see “symptoms” that my lack of self-awareness, for many years, did not recognize as atypical.
Here is where the journey I mentioned earlier has a new perspective. Because of all the work I have put in towards becoming my best self, I could now see that all those things I thought I was terrible at, where actually behaviors of something greater. A new reality, that had actually been kept away from me due to the lack of proper research on women’s health.
I discovered that I am Neurodivergent. Or per the Medial Diagnosis, I am Autistic and part of the Autism Spectrum. I wish I could say it was shocking, but I’ll be honest, it was a relief, but we will talk about that on another post. But, I had long suspected, and shrugged off, because well I didn’t really ever hear about Females diagnosed with Autism.
The Realities Of My World
So long story short, after a year and half of trying the direct sales thing and losing the focus of my blog, I decided to quit, and go back to my purpose in life. Plus, direct sales is really meant for the Neurotypical world, and not my Neurodiverse reality. To reach women everywhere that are struggling every day due to the lack of proper women’s healthcare.
Now, I am hoping to create a blog that challenges the medical community, gives hope to all women, while not sacrificing who I am in an attempt to please the masses.
I no longer care about the money or being a boss babe. I now want to just make a place where I can be me, without apologizing for my Neurodiversity.
I am Wilmari Eckerson.
Join Me, let me help you change life one moment at a time. I help women like you and me, be who they are, to live Authentically. To build the life of their dreams without compromising their personality!
Thank You for taking the time to check out my blog, and I hope you decide to stay awhile. If there is anything you would like me to discuss in a future blog post don’t be afraid to drop me a line or leave a comment. I look forward to sharing my life with you.
I love you & you matter to me!
Click here to send me a direct message, I love to be part of your circle, to love and encourage you along your journey.